I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
