spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize