im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
you didnt know i had herpes?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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