woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
