They should really pass out barf bags in church
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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