I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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