Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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