it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
