I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
