dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
