I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
