i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
