you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
