i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i think i have two assholes
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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