Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
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He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
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I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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