Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
