I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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