My underwear smells like fireworks.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
