note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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