I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
