I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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