remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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