My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
