I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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