I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
