he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
