I think im going to throw up on grandma
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
