naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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