just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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