Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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