I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
