i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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