My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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