Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
