thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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