Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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