Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
