i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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