Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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