It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
