The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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