I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
