never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
