i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
