I'm gonna have a badass scar
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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