the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
