i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
