that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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