I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
