I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
