Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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