respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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