remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
