i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
