HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
