It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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