Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
