U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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