I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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