but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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