the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
