thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
